Day 13: Hopelessness Within Process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely feel hopeless about process in general because my Mom is experiencing herself as a failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat of hopelessness in relation to my Mom experiencing herself as a failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting and actually postponing to actually discuss the point openly within someone else because of fear the person will not actually understand what I’m experiencing, thus, think I’m whining about my Mom and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely lose myself within my Mother because of fear that she will never accept Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself and within this I’m giving up on existence to actually realize for myself that my actions of hopeless actually have manifested consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overwhelmed by/through the emotional reaction of hopelessness because my Mother won’t accept Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need and desire for my Mom to accept Desteni, so, I won’t have to keep on lying 24/7 and continue experiencing myself as never actually releasing myself from myself because I’m constantly worrying when my Mom is going to have her next mental-breakdown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry when my Mom is going to have her next mental-breakdown.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize for myself that fantasying about my Mother having her next mental breakdown within the emotional reaction of worry is actually compounding the point further and creating it further to realize myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry because of fearing my Mom is going to completely abuse me in a very unconscious way of her preprogrammed design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself worry consistently in relation to my Mom having her next mental breakdown instead of being here and walking my own process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going into much detail within self-forgiveness because of fear that people will think I’m bashing my Mom or I’m seeking attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I have to prove myself towards my Mother about Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to prove to my Mom that Desteni is something that I’m always going to stand by because of what it has allowed me to realize for myself that I already realized on some level of my being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the words my Mom says about Desteni is attentional to hurt me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hopeless, believe I am hopeless because I am not able to ever say something that I simply want to express in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel completely hopeless since I live with my Mom and there is consistent abuse and friction between the two of us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe its completely hopeless against my Mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to completely leave my Mom because of all the abuse that is has been occurring because I don’t know what else to do within my backchat of hopelessness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat of hopeless because of experiencing myself as literally stuck because I don’t know what else to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that nobody else that is walking process within Desteni realizes what I’m exactly experiencing because of not having to actually live with their family members that abuse consistently in their unconscious preprogrammed designs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that nobody else that is walking process within Desteni realizes what I’m experiencing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat of hopelessness within my Mom that I shouldn’t participate in Desteni altogether because it seems like too much conflict and trouble with my Mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself experience myself as completely being stuck in life and there is nothing I can actually do because of these compounded reactions of hopelessness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just want to hide away altogether because of these compounded reactions of hopelessness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to give up on process as myself just so I wouldn’t have to face my Mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that nothing is worth doing if it means I have to face my Mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in everything I do because my Mom might take it the wrong way and have a mental-breakdown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the words my Mom speaks about me personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the words my Mom speaks about Desteni personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I’m the only reason my Mom is reacting extensively to myself changing and Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see my Mom clearly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself clearly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see my Mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see.

I commit myself to seeing myself clearly when I’m experiencing backchat of hopeless directed towards myself never being able to express myself openly and honestly within my Mom. When and as I see myself participating in backchat of hopeless directed towards myself never being able to express myself openly and honestly within my Mom, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here to actually realize for myself that the only thing I can do at the moment is walk the point of friction with my family, step by step, breath by breath.