3:44 PM

Day 1: Jessica's Journey to Self-Freedom: Starting Over in Process for Self-dedication

Jessica's Journey to Self-Freedom

Summary: Looking at parts of myself encompassing all facets of myself, when I'm actually writing because of not actually dedicating myself to actually live for the very first time. Being a voice to those that are only silent, wherein I'm no longer half-assing myself, by actually being afraid of what the rear looks like, lol. Sort of speak, lol. Facing every part of myself, by actually committing myself to writing everyday for 7 years.

Today is my first day of dedicating myself to myself, and at the same time I'm dedicating myself to existence, for actually writing myself to freedom for every day of approximately seven-years, but the process doesn't stop at a certain date, within that it wouldn't be me actually dedicating myself at all to myself or anyone that I'm willing to place my shoes in, by actually placing my shoes as another, for any moment that I'm actually willing to dedicate my entire life and when I die, not allowing myself to become an expiration date into infinity for not taking self-responsibility. Through looking at common-sense I'm either walking this process 100%, by absolute self-will and self-dedication or I'm screwing with myself through actually justifying when I'm participating in thoughts/emotions/feelings/backchat. So, this is my stand for actually writing myself out for myself and nobody else, until this process is done. Wait, a minute…

There is no until or expiration date, by looking at the word, until, I'm stating to myself that I'm going to stop writing because apparently everything will be done and magically roses and rainbows. This is not so. It's time for myself to walk the talk in my world/reality for actually creating something worthwhile for myself, and the children to come to actually have a life that there will be no uncertainty of not living, to actually live and to not become branded through CONsciousness and not living for survival, based on money of our current system.

So, what I'm currently facing is for myself to actually walk this process to my utmost potential, and for myself to see/realize/understand that when I die, I will then absolutely know that when I die, that I actually supported what is best for all, in always possible for where when making an action/word/deed, it will be a certainty that went from knowing to living for myself that I actually did support for what is best for all. Because through what is best for all, I can realize for myself that the value of life is always life, for there is always Equality & Oneness, wherein there is no self-interest of myself. Actually, becoming one and equal with self-interest, wherein it doesn't become a word to react too, but a word that simply is part of life.

So, no more half-assing!

Because obviously through half-assing this process of purifying myself as life, I'm then creating backdoors for myself purposely, through actually facing all parts of my ass of the mind. From the inside out. Externally and Internally. 

Time for some full-assing myself in self-honesty!
Time for some full-assing myself in self-forgiveness!

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to face myself through dedicating myself to writing myself to freedom for what is best for all, wherein I allow myself to grow/expand/develop through this process of realizing every part/aspect of/as ourselves that we've separated ourselves as, by actually putting all the pieces together for ourselves to grow at peace with our world/reality that we allowed to be and become.

I forgive myself myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself dedicating myself to life for the very first time, because of actually fearing that I will fail, because of not allowing seeing/realizing/understanding that I'm creating a polarity self-sabotage cycle of, 'winner,' or, 'loser,' wherein I'm merely participating in competition for the survivor of the fetus for myself to not actually to terms with my world/reality for what it has become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become the very nature of deception, by/through going into, 'panic mode,' whenever I'm actually seeing/realizing/understanding what I have created and actually realizing for myself that it's creating this physical reality that I'm one and equal too, thus, equally responsible because this physical reality is made up of the same substance within and as me, equal and one-LIFE!

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize for myself that I can actually become the Creator of my world/reality, for actually directing my world/reality by/through actual living my words, within actually applying self-corrective statements for myself to actually grow/expand/develop and actually have self-realizations for myself to change, later, applying it in my world/reality slowly but surely becoming the real deal-LIFE!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to manipulate myself, by/through wanting to go back into my mind and to create justifications because that is the only thing that I have known myself to actually be and become, wherein I'm not seeing/realizing/understanding that I can actually change myself, MYSELF to actually change ME, for ME, because what is best for ALL, is also what is best for ME. The value of life is life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the personality that I have created as myself, to be defined as inadequate/incapable of actually to establish myself HERE in the physical, within patience within the process of self-forgiveness/self-honesty/self-correction that is HERE, for myself to actually develop/expand/grow myself for the very first time and actually live, because obviously I've been a personality all my life and never knew anything about living. Now, here I am!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/abuse the backchat, 'I never knew anything about living and so I can't apply myself like everyone else is,' this is myself actually separating myself from everyone that is made up of life, wherein I actually allow myself to see/realize/understand that I don't need to use/abuse my mind as a protection shield for myself to not actually take a step back and look at my world/reality and what it has become, look at everyone in this world in self-honesty and actually see if it is LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see the picture-presentation reality that is carefully constructed to distract/entertain for the mind, wherein not allowing myself to actually look at the bigger picture for those that are actually suffering and actually putting my shoes in another's position, because that's the big question I need to ask myself, 'Am I willing to actually place my shoes in another always'?

Funny, how we spend our lives trying to always live up to be and become something, to be something more than ourselves when it was always living nothing that was always the something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to occupy myself through the mind and call that life, wanting/needing/desiring to be and become something to love up too, thinking that I was never enough and that there was always something to match up to live as, never actually seeing/realizing/understanding that if I'm spending my life to be and become something, then wouldn't that mean that I'm trying to become something of an idea, wherein I'm spending all this time in dimensional-shifts of my mind and I'm not actually seeing/realizing/understanding that living HERE in nothingness is what it actually means to LIVE, because then I'm only living what is always right in front of me, thus, there is nothing to match up to be and become. 

To be and become starts with myself to live here for myself to not live within polarity. Polarity is the starting-point where I have created the creation of trying to be and become something more than what I already am starting myself to realize myself as-LIFE!

I realize that this process takes time and self-discipline to actually move myself within the physical through actually living my words, wherein I can allow myself to write myself out and take this opportunity to utilize my physical body as a self-supportive instrument for myself to actually stand up and take self-responsibility for my world/reality, by/through what I currently exist as. Thus, when and as I am faced with resistance towards writing myself to freedom, I see/realize/understand that this is a flag-point for myself to actually look at myself and my world that this is the point where I'm pushing through the resistances and actually changing myself, by/through pushing through the transcendence point of actual living.

When and as I see myself participating in resistance towards actually dedicating myself to life, I stop, I breathe and I move myself through the resistance by actually assisting/supporting myself to actually grow/develop/expand, by actually pushing myself to write myself to freedom and not living my entire life as a slave of Consciousness to be and become nothing more than a personality of absolute self-dishonesty, thus, I allow myself to be and become LIFE and slowly but surely creating something worthwhile, being the Creator of my Life for real.

Thank you for reading.


Jessica Smith said...

Check out: http://desteni.org/

Marlen said...

Very cool to take the steps to stop our limitations, thanks for sharing Jessica - let's continue walking

harelmaya said...

Cool Jessica!!

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