8:38 PM

Day 3: Jessica's Journey to Life: Deadication Will Kill Yah


Artwork by:

Ann Van Den Broeck

Deadication Will Kill Yah

Never in my life, I have I ever dedicated myself to anything, as who and what I accepted and allowed myself to be and become, dedicating myself always involved some anterior motive and has never been about assisting/supporting myself, while there being, ‘no strings.’ The manifested consequences of myself, looking at myself in, ‘gentle-brutality,’ I can definitely realize for myself that the dedication that I knew only summed up to actually - Deadication. During High School, I spent most of my time trying to focus on my GPA, trying to be and become something that I can never actually live up to actually integrate and live as, because it was never actually even real in-fact. What I am realizing is that all this Deadication has only gotten me nowhere, of course it gotten me into College, but that’s not actually really getting anywhere. And how can I actually be anywhere, if I’m not actually HERE?  So, right now, I’m seeing/realizing and understanding that I have never actually been alive or gone anywhere, whatsoever, of course I seen this for a very long time and only now am I actually bringing this into an actual self-correction, as I am here, and therefore I don’t ever need to want/need or desire to Deadicate myself to anything, as I am here, and therefore I’m Dedicating myself to something actually worthwhile — myself. Dedicating myself to life. Right now, in this moment, I dedicate myself to actual dedication, ’no strings attached,’ Deadication has allowed myself to sink into the depths of my mind, I have allowed myself to sink into the depths of my mind, therefore - I embrace myself, I love myself, I accept myself, I forgive myself, I realize myself.


Dedication has always been about myself trying to seek for, ‘validation,’ or, ‘confirmation,’ that I’m actually worth something, by/through going about a doing something in order to finally get the attention that I apparently, ‘deserve.’ Dis-serving LIFE, Dis-honoring LIFE, Dis-empowering LIFE and inevitably myself.

Its time to live. Its time to forgive. Dedication starts with myself.

Looking at the word: Deadication

DEAD. I. Cation.

Deadication is in actuality looking at myself within the, ‘I,’ of myself actually dedicating myself for seeing/realizing and understanding that if I’m not dedicating myself to myself, as life, then I’m already, ‘dead,’ thus, I need to allow myself to see/realize and understand that I’m the Creator of my Life, hence, ‘I,’ of myself actually looking within myself to see the actuality of what I have been and become. Cation is referring to positivity to an ion, and I can refer this to myself positively charging the word - Dedication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to preoccupy myself within Deadication that generates reactions in moments bottled-up/stored within myself; reasoning myself into ways/ means to ‘make myself better/ make myself seem better’ or project/ fantasize about/how I’m going to myself make myself better within my own projections/fantasies of trying/attaining to be and become, ‘perfection,’ instead of me walking this process here in self-agreement of reaching real perfection as living HERE as ourselves and each-other.

I forgive myself that I didn’t accept/allow myself to dedicate myself to life as myself and another with no voice or actual freedom to even do the things that I don’t actually appreciate as actually honor life as self-dedication to those that cannot change themselves HERE in this physical reality, to stand in equal and one respect/consideration and regard of/for real dedication — but instead, accepted and allowed myself to abuse/compromise me and another as myself to not take every moment HERE, in actual real gratitude and appreciation to LIFE.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to realize, see - that in accepting internal-conflict within me, I’m by no means actually accepting myself of/as self-awareness of myself HERE, by/through actually seeing/realizing or understanding that when I’m self-creating ideas of perfection to be and become, in this I allow myself to look at my world/reality that I’m directly responsible for myself screwing with myself to not actually come to a solution, but continuously self-create internal-external conflict by my own unconscious, subconscious and conscious - mind points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe I am “less than” actually dedicating myself within and as Oneness & Equality, therefore, allow myself to seek for, ‘validation,’ or, ‘confirmation,’ not seeing/realizing or understanding that I’m self-creating  internal-external conflict as reactive thoughts/energies to/towards something/someone within my world/reality - which I am implying by/through not stopping, investigating, directing and taking responsibility for/of the internal-external conflict that I’m creating to apparently experience myself that I’m, ‘worth something.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely be so oblivious in the physical, in reality - that I have allowed myself to repress myself within Deadication, the energy as, ‘validation,’ and, ‘confirmation,’ - that built/accumulated into and as repressing it/ shoving it away that possess me as the manifested consequence of NOT - Embracing LIFE, Loving LIFE, Accepting LIFE, Forgive LIFE, Release the Deadication to LIFE, by/through me simply taking a breath and stopping/directing me in one moment.

I forgive myself that I didn’t accept and allow myself to realize the extent, specifically of the one word, ‘dedication,’ within reacting into a positivity charge of feelings, and I within that forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge and separate myself from the word, ‘dedication,’ - I am in-fact the Dedicator and Creator of my Life, the source/cause/origin by/through walking one breath at a time, step by step, BREATH by BREATH.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word, ‘dedication,’ as ‘positive’/‘right’/‘good.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word, ‘dedication, within a positive charge as ‘positive’/‘right’/‘good.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word, ‘dedication,’ and from the positive charge of the word, ‘dedication,’ as ‘positive’/‘right’/‘good,’ through defining, ‘dedication,’ within a positive charge of the word, ‘dedication,’ as ‘positive’/‘right’/‘good’ in separation of myself.

I commit myself to live Dedication within writing myself out every day for 7 years,  to take self-responsibility and to stand as an equal as I’m the Creator and Dedicator of my Life, thus, I can self-will myself to create a creation based on LIFE, and dedicate dedication on LIFE.

I commit myself to honor Dedication and become the image and likeness of Dedication, in all ways possible.

I commit myself to honor myself as Dedication and to co-exist within Dedication by taking responsibility to stand as an equal as I’m the Creator and Dedicator of my Life.

I commit myself to honor Dedication until I’m actually seeking nothing but LIFE to write myself out every day for seven years, to take self-responsibility and to stand as an equal as I’m the Creator and Dedicator of Life, thus, I can self-will myself to create a creation based on life by/through working together as a group because it is Desteni’s Destiny to bring about a world that is best for all, no matter what.

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