9:39 AM

Day 9: Fear of Being Late to School


Fear of Being Late to School



Today at School, I forgot some stuff and my Mother called me when I was actually at the College to tell me this for myself - wherein, it wasn’t a biggie for me at the time but there was some subtle points of emotional reacting to fearing being late to class. This is mostly due to myself fearing punishment and looking at the Teacher’s face and basically mind-projecting onto myself on how the Professor is experiencing his/her self, basically, imagining and fantasizing how this Professor is seeing me in that moment - wherein, the whole imagination/fantasy scenario is self-created in my mind, in a very negative way. So, being late to School is actually mind-projected within a negative signature charge. All my life, you could say that I always feared consequences and/or punishment but this is mostly due to my Mother’s very intense manner of being, wherein - I became afraid that everyone was the same and would just keeping hurting me. Within this I’m blaming my Mom for facing others within being irresponsible for my own actions, NOT taking the time to actually investigate and see for myself what I am actually doing to myself.

Punishment 

Negatively charged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word punishment as a negatively charged value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself t judge the word punishment as ‘bad’/‘wrong’/negative.’

Fear of Being late to school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Punishment to Fearing being late to school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word Punishment within Fearing being late to school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word Punishment and from Fearing being late to school through defining the word Punishment, in separation of myself.

Imagining and fantasizing how this Professor is seeing me in the moment 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Punishment to Imagining and fantasizing how this Professor is seeing me in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word Punishment within Imagining and fantasizing how this Professor is seeing me the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word Punishment and from Imagining and fantasizing how this Professor is seeing me in the moment through defining the word Punishment, in separation of myself.

My Mother’s intense manner of being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Punishment to my Mother’s intense manner of being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word Punishment within my Mother’s intense manner of being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word Punishment and from my Mother’s intense manner of being through defining the word Punishment, in separation of myself.

Consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Punishment to Consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word Punishment within the word Consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word Punishment and from the word Consequence through defining the word Punishment within Consequence, in separation of myself.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being late to College because of fantasizing and imagining how my Professor is seeing me at the moment, wherein - I fear that there will be a consequence or Punishment, therefore, I don’t take this point to assist and support myself to not take how others perceive me personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to know or envision within my Professor’s body language how he/she is perceiving me at the moment, wherein - I completely and entirely lose myself within fantasizing and imagining how my Professor is seeing me, that I don’t actually see myself within it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate with my Fear of being late to school to actually fearing my Professor thinking that I’m not dedicated to being here, therefore, I will completely lose and submerge myself within participating in ways to make the Professor see me differently and not give me a Consequence or Punishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate my fear of being late to school to Consequence and/or Punishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must keep pulling off picture presentations for people to have certain ideas that I’m a dedicated student to avoid Consequence and/or Punishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I must keep pulling off picture presentations, wherein - I participate in fantasies and imagination for myself to NOT have to be almost late for class and/or actually late for class in the future, rather than actually getting off my ass and doing something about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe its too hard to get off my ass and do something about myself almost being late for class and/or actually being late for class in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being late to class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the fear of being late to class to fear itself, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe the fear of being late to class is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my fear of being late to class.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to self-realize that fear of being late to class is self-created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the fear of being late to class.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself that fear of being late to class is simple preprogrammed reaction.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the fear of being late to class is to keep me from realizing myself as who I am as life, one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that there is ever a valid reason to allow the experience of fearing being late to class.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am responsible for allowing myself to experience the fear of being late to class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make such a huge deal of being late to class of such an insignificant moment of manifested consequences that I face to see/realize and understand that being late to class doesn’t mean that I have to be fearful of a consequence and/or punishment, but simply a point to stand in Equality and self-acceptance of being late to class, of/for my own process; to stop the reactions of fearing Punishment and Consequence, confronting it directly as myself - but instead, accepted and allowed myself to react through perceiving and deceiving myself that everyone is hurting me purposely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss breathing here in every moment because of valuing and defining the fear that I experience towards Punishment and/or Consequence as real, wherein - I allow myself to want/need/desire to always be and become perfection to avoid Punishment and/or Punishment - but instead, accepted and allowed myself to react in reaction within perfection of the mind through perceiving and deceiving myself that everyone is hurting me purposely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate Punishment and/or Consequence towards the fear of Being Late to School.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate Punishment and/or Consequence towards perceiving and deceiving myself that everyone is hurting me purposely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become a slave to perfection 24/7 to avoid the fear that I face towards Punishment and/or Consequence.

Here, I make a self-agreement within myself that when and as I see myself defining and valuing as being afraid of being late to class, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here. I breathe through the experience of being late to class and I direct it within myself firmly in the realization that no matter if I’m late to class or not, I allow myself to actually create a solution to not be late to class in the future, but if or when I’m ever late to class or almost late to class I remain HERE, in and as the delusional belief and acceptance of myself as separate to being late to class, I allow myself to accept and embrace the fear of being late to class in humbleness to see/realize and understand that I can change myself being late to class, if I actually want too.

I commit myself to accept and embrace myself being late to class or almost being late to class in humbleness to actually realize I can change myself being late if I actually want too.

I commit myself to be and become a slave to perfection 24/7 to avoid the experience of facing my fear of Consequence and/or Punishment.

I commit myself to take responsibility in myself being late to class or almost late to class but not become fearful of Punishment and/or Consequence for creating expectations for myself to be and become perfection of the mind - I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back HERE to immediately look at the point of fearing being late to class or almost late to class, and seeing/realizing and understanding what point I have not become one and equal too,  to make myself actually avoid facing myself within facing my fear of Punishment and/or Consequence.

Redefining the Word : Punishment

Dictionary Definition: The Teacher imposed punishment. This again brings me to the point of becoming fearful of Punishment and/or Consequence, by/through thinking that people are hurting me purposely, wherein - this is something I have self-created because of not actually looking at myself in self-honesty to be and become actual self-honesty.

Now, sounding the word to purify the word Punishment back to reality. 
PUN-ISH-MENT
Looking at the word PUN on the dictionary it means: A joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words that sound alike but have different meanings. This is quite interesting because this is exactly what I’m doing. I’m purifying words to LIVE a definition that will stand the test of time. Now, ISH means: Having qualities or characteristics  of something. Looking at the word meant it means: Expressing  means or results of actions. Putting the entire definition together that I have attained, here it goes:
PUN-ISH-MENT- Having qualities or characteristics of making an result or action to joke exploiting  the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are word that sound alike but have different meanings. Now, from here of looking at the entire definition here within the word Punishment there is being exploited but having different possible meanings of a word but I’m actually imposing different meanings onto my Professors to become fearful of Consequence and/or Punishment, wherein - I’m not actually getting to the nitty gritty, by/through looking at the different meanings of reactions I’m facing to not actually face myself.
New Definition: The Infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offense. This is a clear definition to stand by that has no polarity if there is no perception. Within an Equal Money System we will still be able to follow this definition for those that want to continue to abuse this world and reality.

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